But right now, at the start of 2014, I feel quite different. Because this year there were a lot of bad things I had to go through. Today, I am not the person I want to be and I am utterly different from the person I was two years ago. And just because we now write a little 4 instead of a 3 whenever we have to note down the date, does not mean that I suddenly stopped going through all those things. The love and cheer of the last couple of weeks has not changed everything that was wrong.
And I suppose I am taking it all a little harder than I thought I would. I still wouldn't want to swap my life with anyone else out there, no matter how happy or successful or loved they might be (or appear to be from the outside). I am happy with my life because it's mine. It just needs a little work. And some changes aren't easy. Some are hard and you have to fight for it and keep fighting even when you are too ill and tired to fight or when you're constantly pushed back when you think you are getting better, or when you do not even understand what is exactly wrong to begin with.
What I am trying to say with all this rambling, is that I probably shouldn't be too hard on myself. A new year doesn't change anything, it just presents an opportunity. And I still intend to take that opportunity. There just isn't a magic wand that makes it all better once the fireworks go off.
I have already made some promises to myself for 2014 as I am sure many of you have as well. I've added 75 books to read in 2014 as a challenge again on goodreads and have started anew on my query letter and research for agents. Which is why some more writing tips/chatter might be coming along.
I have also challenged myself to writing 1500 words a day for the whole of January... excepting January 1st because I only thought this thing up yesterday.
If you want to follow that process, or if you want to join me in trying to write each day (whatever the amount you want) follow me on twitter or via #1500WordsaDay and #amwriting
You can befriend me on Goodreads if you're curious what kinds of books I read by searching for "Noortje de Graaff".
I wish you all a happy and healthy 2014! May it be filled with lots of writing.
Thank you for sticking with me another year :)